10-30-2003: We've got a special treat for our readers today - an asshat we can laugh at. It's been a while since we've had one of those.

It's dark out, around 11:00PM, and an employee of an Arby's resturant in Brooksville, Florida, USA is just closing up shop. He's got the night's receipts in a bag, and it's time for the nightly deposit.

Enter thief, stage left - a man, described as around 6 feet tall and 240 pounds, jumped out from behind a trash bin and held a semiautomatic pistol to the employee's head. The man dutifully surrenders the bag, and the robber runs off.

Just another armed robbery, right? No, not really. The asshat robber stole the guy's dinner. All that was in the bag was some chicken sandwiches and chicken fingers. According to the story in the St. Petersburg Times, the robber got away clean for now.

I do hope they catch him, however. It would really teach him that crime just doesn't pay. Unless you're in dire need of a chicken finger. Today's AOTD award goes to the robber that got much less than he bargained for.

10-28-2003: Today, Stinkweasel staff is bound for Brooklyn, New York, USA.

Albert Clarke had a unique living arrangement. He shares an apartment with a 43-year-old woman and her 11-year-old daughter, living in a locked bedroom and sharing the kitchen and bathroom. I guess we should say lived, rather.

You see, Clarke was a little irked when they got their last electric bill. Maybe they ran the air conditioning a little too much last month, or perhaps they left some lights on unnecessarily. Regardless, it was too high. And Clarke was pissed.

So, using the superior reasoning powers that we humans possess, he wrapped a pipe in electrical tape and bludgeoned the mother to death. He also gave her a few stabs in the neck just for good measure. And then he slit the 11-year-old daughter's throat from ear to ear while she slept.

According to the story by the New York Daily News, Clarke was quoted as saying "I did something bad." I would say that was something a little worse than bad, wouldn't you?

Today's Asshat Of The Day award goes to Clarke, who did something horrific. I'm sure the good inmates in the New York penal system can teach him a little something about anger management.

10-24-2003: Where's some good, old-fashioned natural selection when you need it?

On Wednesday, October 22nd, the Tennessean brought the world a horrible story. Some monster had taken four dogs, driven to a freeway overpass, and tossed them over the side.

The drop was a chilling 53 feet to the roadway below.

Two of the four dogs survived. The most seriously injured of the two has a broken leg and multiple lacerations. One of the two that did not survive was pregnant.

What kind of depraved monster takes four dogs (man's best friend, remember?) and throws them off of a 53-foot-tall freeway overpass? An asshat of the most serious kind.

News 2 also has coverage.

A radio show has started a reward fund (the notice of this has been removed from their site since), and the Chicago Humane Society has tossed another $2500 in the hat. Tennesseans, go find this son of a bitch, and put him/her/it in prison.

10-22-2003: Alright, the computer issues aren't completely solved, but I can at least get an asshat out.

Rebekah Amaya has been blessed by a sign. Amaya has said that she is normally very afraid of spiders, but "felt at peace" when one crawled across her hand, according to the story from CNN. She considered this a sign.

OK. Personally, I would consider this a sign that maybe she's not afraid of spiders any longer. She interpretted this slightly differently - she said it was a sign telling her to murder her children. She called it "setting them free."

So, she took her 5-month-old baby Gabriel and her 4-year-old daughter Grace, and she held them under water in the bathtub until they stopped breathing. I don't think that was the message the spider was trying to convey.

Amaya faces charges of first-degree murder. Enjoy your AOTD award - you're going to have plenty of time for new hobbies soon enough.

10-21-2003: Bear with me folks, I'm having some computer issues at home. Once I get that fixed, I'll be catching up on Stinkweasel.

10-13-2003: They take their bus seating seriously in Bochum, Germany.

A certain seat on a Bochum bus was reserved for the disabled. Unfortunately, an unnamed 33-year-old woman was already sitting in it when a mean-tempered 76-year-old retiree wanted to sit there. Uh oh.

*snap*

The elderly man began bludgeoning her with his cane, striking her at least once in an ear she recently had surgery on. Police were called to detain him, and he may face assault charges. May? The poor woman may face a repeat of her ear surgery.

According to the old man, he "slipped." According to the Bochum police, there's a bus full of witnesses that disagree. So, today's AOTD goes to the unnamed, pissed-off old man that beat a disabled woman with his cane for "his" bus seat.

10-09-2003: Today's asshat has got to be one of the most amazingly asstastically stupid asshats I've had the disgust of reading about. I need to create a new award, like maybe "Asshat Of The Year" or "Asshat Of The Universe" or something.

On July 1st, Jonathon Russell strode into the Modine Manufacturing Co. plant near Jefferson City, Missouri, USA. He was armed with a Glock semiautomatic handgun, and he had murder on his mind.

According to the Reuters story, Russell seemed to "target certain colleagues" as he shot and killed three of his coworkers. Russell finally turned the gun on himself after exchanging fire with police officers responding to the scene. He fatally shot himself.

A tragedy to say the least - two coworkers died at the scene, and the third died in transit. Russell died at the scene as well. And, because Russell killed himself at his workplace, his mother is requesting worker's compensation payments from the company.

Re-read that again. His mother, Nina Tichelkamp-Russell, is requesting worker's comp because her son died at work. The son that killed three of his coworkers, injured five others, before committing suicide with his own Glock.

Modine Manufacturing has already declined her request, but it still must be reviewed by the state of Missouri.

Today's AOTD goes to Tichelkamp-Russell. who has the biggest brass balls I've ever heard of. May the state agency that reviews her request laugh long and heartily, before stamping it with a big red "Denied, you asshat" stamp.

10-06-2003: Gettin' your freak on in the probation office!

New York City. May, 2003. A lonely probation officer is looking for a little bit of luvvin'. And she finds it in one of her charges - a 17-year-old boy.

Nicole Waite, a probation officer for New York City, was arrested for coercing a 17-year-old delinquent into having sex with her in exchange for a favorable report before his sentencing hearing. Waite is 36.

Waite couldn't wait - she allegedly loosened him up the first time with wine. The second time, he was allegedly told to bring a condom to her at her office. And the third time, they supposedly got freaky in a motel while partaking of the liquor and the herb.

The New York Daily News has all the details. She's 36. He's seventeen. Seventeen is underage. She's being charged with receiving a bribe and official misconduct.

Enjoy your AOTD award, Waite.

10-05-2003: "What do you want to be when you grow up, Jeremy?" "A shewwiff!"

Jeremy Lepianka of Syracuse, New York, USA really likes to help out around the county. And help out he did - for the past two years, he's been impersonating a Onondaga County Sheriff's deputy.

Lepianka's "volunteer deputy" gig came to an end abruptly, however, when he pulled over a pickup truck and the driver fled the scene. Lepianka then radioed for backup. He actually radioed to the real deputies and asked for backup.

According to the AP and the Anchorage Daily News, Lepianka has been charged with impersonating an officer, criminal possession of a weapon (a gun?), and criminal possession of a noxious substance (pepper spray). Whoops.

I don't even want to know what they do to guys that just impersonate a police officer in prison. Focus on your happy place, Lepianka.

10-02-2003: Back to Mr. M Week - this time, Stinkweasel staff is reporting from Scotland.

The Scottish Executive has directed headteachers around Scotland to discontinue sending letters to parents warning about head lice infections. Lice outbreaks are a fact of life around the world, and the infections can happen to any child, rich or poor.

But, according to the Scottish Executive, the warning "stigmatises" children with lice, and "could cause them long-term psychological damage."

Oh please. What ever happend to good old common sense? If your child had head lice, would you want to know? Or would you want to protect the poor darling's delicate psyche, and hide them from the traumatic news?

This is simply part of a sad, disturbing trend - we are slowly losing our ability to deal with the real world. We think something is unfair, so we sue. We feel wronged when our tube of super glue does not specifically state "Do not use to glue puppies to the side of a school bus," so when it happens we start a nationwide campaign. People are simply not using their common sense any more.

Yes, kids that catch lice are going to get teased. OH MY GOD, call the police! Let's get a grip, people. Our children have to learn how to cope with the real world. And we're not exactly setting a shining example.

Today's AOTD award goes to the Scotland Executive, who thinks it's a better idea to coddle and blindfold our children to protect them from the Big Bad World. We're raising a generation of pussies.

10-01-2003: We're going to have to take a little break today from Mr. M Week - I found a real doozy.

Stanley Duane Wilkinson is an attorney from Houston, Texas, USA. Wilkinson was in district court on Monday, September 22nd, representing his client as his client pled guilty. Things were going well until Wilkinson reached into his pocket to retrieve some papers.

That's when his bag of cocaine fell out of his pocket onto the courtroom floor. And both the bailiff and district judge saw it. Uh oh.

Cocaine. Onto the courtroom floor. WTF was he thinking taking cocaine into a courtroom?!?

Needless to say, Wilkinson is out on bail now, charged with possession of a controlled substance (a felony in Texas). The Houston Chronicle brings us all the felony goodness.